It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
