dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
