Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
