remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
