You're my little dorito
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
