am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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