about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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