he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize