I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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