Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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