Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
