my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
