i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
