You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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