Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
