There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
