I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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