im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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