Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
