I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
