Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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