Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
