so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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