I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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