He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize