garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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