just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
