My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
