We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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