kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You dont lie about slip and slides
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
