The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
soo... how was my night?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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