she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This is my gift to your gina
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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