just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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