She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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