i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize