I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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