Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize