party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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