hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
