In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
