I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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