Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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