yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize