Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
