she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am naked and annoyed.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize