I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
