I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
