you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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