I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
