Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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