everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
