I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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