So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
