Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
