My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We left an ass print on the piano.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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