My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
