To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
