I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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