i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
