that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize