There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
