She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
