Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
