ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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