i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
