It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
