I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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