Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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