ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
