you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
