1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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