I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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